Week 8

The Most Frustrating Shopping Experience. Ever.

I didn't have much to get: coconut milk; swiss rolls; hot dogs; japanese rice crackers; soap that doesn't smell. Just a few regular things, obviously. I just had to nip down to the shops and return in time to feed Jas' impatiently random hunger.

Trying to do it quickly was not a good idea; starting with the most difficult item on the list certainly did not help things: "Soap that doesn't smell". This was needed because obviously, I did smell. My search encompassed three chemists and hundreds of scented soaps, all with names and labels that evoked tropical spa-like calmness. Madagaskar Sunset. Marrakech Sunrise. As much as I enjoyed our recent holiday to Marrakech, mint and donkey dung is not something I'd like to share in my shower. Shea butter and lavender. What the hell is shea butter?! Refreshing Aloe. That'd be "Retching Aloe" if Jas came near it. Ginseng and Guano. Isn't guano bat crap? As I searched in vain for a scent-less soap, I started making up my own: Bergamo & Bat Shit. Cucumber & Monkey Spunk  (mmm, creamy). Sage & Slug Slime. All you needed was an evocative name with a picture of the sea.

Soap search abandoned. Next the supermarket. Normally this was a brief affair, spent mostly picking regular items from the fresh fruit and vege section. Not now. Walking briskly past the bananas & broccoli, I went to where I would have thought the rice crackers would logically be. But do British supermarket planners have any concept of logical grouping? No. Were the rice crackers near the rice? No. Well, were they by the crackers...? Of course not, silly knob. Naturally it resides in the "World Food" section.

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